I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
