Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
