I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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