why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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