your thong is hanging out like whoa
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
