i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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