I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
