She is in my trunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
