i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
