someone get that fucking seahorse.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
