i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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