It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
