I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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