what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
