Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
