I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
