so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
