So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
