Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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