Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
