her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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