I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
