thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
