smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
