The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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