So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
