im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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