i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
