dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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