i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
