im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize