I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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