When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
