it wasn't lemon gatorade
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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