Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
