Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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