He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
