You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
