Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm both gender and math confused
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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