it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
