READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
