"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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