i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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