i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so let's talk penis.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
