i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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