I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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