that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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