hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
