we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize