Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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