i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
