You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize