whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
