therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
