I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
