Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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