well I can't set my house on fire every night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
