she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
