I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
