The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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