Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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