he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
