Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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