My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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