sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
