All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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