Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
