I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
