Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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