I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
