plz talk dirty to me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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