Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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