Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
