you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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