doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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