She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
