and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
