dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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