god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
