John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
