no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
