By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i think my cat just said my name.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
