There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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