New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
